Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
