wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize