just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Found your dick twin last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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