what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
