I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
