everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
