The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
