Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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