i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
