her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
