just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
