can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
