What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
