Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
