I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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