he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
