i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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