i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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