4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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