Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
