We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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