if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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