I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
