All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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