i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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