Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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