oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
