You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
