i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
