Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
