Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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