Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
