I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
