Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have already put on my inside pants.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
