She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How naked do you want me to be?
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