and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
