is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
