I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
