i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
