I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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