I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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