when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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