they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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