Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
