Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
