its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize