sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
