Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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