Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
