Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
