you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
