I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
