Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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