If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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