I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
