fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
