Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
