Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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