Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
