Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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