My nipple is on Facebook.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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