so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
