We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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