Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
