Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
