I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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