just tell him i said nine months
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
