...so i touched it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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