so explain again why im purple
no
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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