"it" just moved
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
