this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
