So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize