New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
50% drunk capacity currently
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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