I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
