How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
