I wannas sexs uuuuu
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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